The Recipe for the Perfect Man

Note: I recently uncovered this gem of a short write-up whilst cleaning up my old college files. Please excuse the unrealistic idealism and enjoy the “recipe” for what it’s worth — a little bit of literature-inspired humor.

An average English Major spends half the time reading the required schoolbooks and the other half reading the un-required; an exceptional one recognizes the importance of knowing her passions in literature and strives to read as much between erratic college breaks. She follows all of these guidelines and cooks up a recipe for the perfect man with ingredients available only in local bookstores.

1. Boil pot of rose-scented water. Toss in Atticus Finch’s wisdom and integrity whole.

Remove after 20 minutes or tender. Slice to desired sizes (Caution: A lady’s delicacy cannot stomach raw male wisdom and integrity. Diced and minced slices advised).

2. Remove Ron Weasley’s sense of humor from package.

Measure 8-10 teaspoons (Alter measurement to suit nutritional requirement of laughter). Add a dash of glittered female sensitivity.

3. Sprinkle a generous amount of Ron Weasley’s sense of humor over Atticus Finch’s wisdom and integrity.

4. Wash Odysseus’ devotion in rose-scented water.

Put it commitment pressure cooker for 30 minutes for undying faithfulness (Caution: Overcooking may lead to clinginess).

5. Remove Odysseus’ devotion and flatten over hot pink dish. Unpack Finnick Odair’s good looks. 

Because who needs a spoonful of sugar, right?

Sprinkle sparingly over Odysseus’ tender devotion.

6. Mix ingredients in neon pink bowl and stir clockwise.

7. Lay mixture over baby pink cookie molder (Chef advice: Do not use Edward Cullen mold) and heat in oven for 15-30 minutes.

8. In bedazzled mittens, remove oven-baked male specimen and sprinkle 2 pinches of Pemberley-made Mr. Darcy’s classiness.

Ingredients:

1. Atticus Finch’s wisdom and integrity

2. Ron Weasley’s sense of humor

3. Odysseus’ devotion

4. Finnick Odair’s good looks

5. Mr. Darcy’s classiness