What I Wish I Knew Before I Turned 22: Respect Is Earned, Not Demanded

I would demand respect, but I know better.

Respect is earned, not by any one fool-proof formula.

Why, I once met a woman who earned her PhD and nothing more.

She did not earn the respect of her fellow academicians, so she resorted to demanding their respect, only to be laughed at.

Her looming presence in my college years taught me a valuable lesson, however unconscious on her part: No amount of human achievement can entitle one to respect.

This little nugget of wisdom is not something that I wear on my sleeve.

But I do know where to draw it out from when I need to.

And by “when,” I mean “now.”

I feel like I’ve been deprived of respect, not only as an educator, but especially as a human being, for weeks on end now.

At first I tried to deal with it by engaging in an honest conversation with myself.

Me: Why are you so down these days? Me (also): I feel totally disrespected. Me: Is it really respect you want? Or recognition?

Ah yes, recognition.

I used to experience a certain high when I was a student and recognition was a welcome routine.

Maybe what I am experiencing is a form of egotistical withdrawal?

But no.

When you take a few trips down to your superior’s office, forcibly swallow your pride with constructive criticisms — well, it’s not all that bad.

She’s your superior, and you’re her subordinate.

You work for her.

You deal with it.

But the story doesn’t end there.

When a student tells you she doesn’t agree with how you computed her grades (never mind the fact that you adjusted it with your generous-to-a-fault  intentions), and then she tells you how to compute it instead, surely it’s not a crime to feel the pangs of injustice.

Pass me or you will die in seven days!

Yes, this is a democracy, and a democracy implies equality, but this does not apply in the academic setting.

No educational philosophy, however innovative and daring, can deny the fact that the teacher occupies a higher position than the student.

I once was told by a senior teacher that “Familiarity breeds contempt.”

I dismissed her thoughts as old-fashioned.

I was going to be the cool teacher that everyone liked.

Typical. Foolish. Futile.

I paid the price.

I was too caught up with trying to be liked, even though I wasn’t paid for my personality but my ability.

This morning’s episode was no different — or maybe it was?

On the up side, it finally dawned on me that I had not confused respect for recognition.

It was respect all along.

And not only was I not getting it, but I was also deprived of it by people who had no right to do so whatsoever.

Whoever said working in the academe is not as ruthless as climbing the corporate ladder?

One thing is for certain: Millennials are at a disadvantage.

Millennials are stereotyped as a new generation of workers whose inexperience is only superseded by their poor work attitude.

Our quote-and-quote privileged upbringing has resulted to our turning out to be disappointing individuals compared to the previous generations who did not have the luxury of videogames, cable television, and (at least) dial-up internet to brainwash them in childhood.

I am a millennial.

And though there may be a billion other more personal reasons why I am treated (or mistreated) this way, I am sure my being millennial is key.

Youth ought never to be equated with incompetence.

Does this look like the face of millennial incompetence to you?

I am not saying this to save my own skin.

I am saying this in behalf of all the millennials (and, soon, even the post-millennials), who should not have to apologize for being born in the “wrong” century.

There is something intrinsically wrong with making the rule about respecting one’s elders an absolute moral good.

It’s not.

In the same way that youth does not equal incompetence, so does wisdom not necessarily follow with age.

Indeed, I see proofs of the latter statement far more often than I like.

I sincerely hope that my standing up to the woman I had always held in high esteem (if only for the obvious fact that she is at least twice as old as me) would not be seen as an act of defiance.

I cannot demand respect from her or from anybody else.

I need to earn it for myself.

But in order for me to earn it, you need to give me a chance to prove myself too.